What is wrong with this picture?

Jesus Fuck this is hard.

Let me start over.
I know, KNOW, that I am a beautiful woman in more ways than one.
I'm kind, caring, funny, compassionate, loving and downright sexy.
People see those things in me; I just know it.

So why am I still alone?

Seems I make one hell of a friend, but I'm not girlfriend material. 
At least that is the way it seems to me.

Don't get it twisted.
I have wonderful friends.  Knowing they have my back makes me feel very grateful, and less lonely.
But every night I go home alone.
I could spend the greatest night with my homies, and still, I go home alone.

One of my co-workers asked me a question a few months ago.
"What if you never find another companion, will you be content?"

No.
I won't.

I'm not saying I want to get married again (shudder).  But yes, I want to have a partner in life.
I want someone I can share secrets with.
Someone who I can love and take care of, and let them take care of me.
And quite frankly, someone to rip clothes off of.

So why can't I find someone who wants those same things, with me?

And please don't tell me "It will happen when you least expect it", or "When you aren't looking, you'll find someone."
These are the types of things people say when they can't think of anything else to say.
Most of you are already married or paired off with your soul-mate* and you have absolutely no idea what it is like to be in my shoes.
If you must know...nobody wants to hear that shit. 
I swear, the next time someone says that to me I might just punch them square in the genitals.

Honestly, it all sucks.  And the more I see the people around me who are happy, the more I want to scream.  I want to be happy for them, but it's getting harder and harder to find that strength.
And I am not the type of person who relies on someone else to make me happy.

I am not afraid of being alone.
But I am afraid of being alone forever.


*I don't really believe in soul-mates.  I think there is real, solid love.  And that if you have that love with someone, you work your ass off to make sure your partnership stays alive.  It's ugly and messy, but so worth it.