Move On

it's so easy to say to someone, "Get over it, move on." But when you are trapped in the pit of your own despair, with nothing or nobody to hold onto, what propels you to move?

Men suck

There really isn't any more to say about that.

Hey, there's a whore in my seat...

So today I'm driving home from work, minding my business. In fact I was going over a chapter from my book, in my head. Trying to see if a certain dialogue was going to work. Unfortunately this might make me look crazy to some people because I physically speak the words but only when it's hot enough for the AC to be on and the windows are up. (That's normal, right?) Anway... I'm rolling up on Rt.30, getting ready to turn left on to Pennsylvania Avenue when I spot Shane's volvo up ahead. I'm going to drive by it as he's in the lane that goes straight, so I'm getting ready to beep and wave, when I notice something that looks off. There's a whore in the passenger seat. ! I manage to keep my composure but my heart fell out of my chest. Now let me just say that I've run into her at the grocery store a few months ago and I felt nothing. No skipped heart beat, no desire to beat in her head with the apple I happened to be holding when she walked in the store, and even better, no thoughts of dragging her by her hair back to the deli department and slicing her skanky ass into super thin slices. But seeing her in Shane's car, laughing, looking happy...it sent me reeling. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with the thought that I was no good. I didn't matter. How could one man have that much power over me? Because I let him. I loved Shane with a ferocity that sometimes frightened me. I made promises to him and to myself to do everything I could to make our marriage work. I knew it wouldn't always be easy but I was committed to try. And it all ended...snap...just like that. It's been over a year since I moved out (for the second and final time) and I'm still struggling with my self worth. How can I possibly trust anyone with my heart when the ONE person I trusted with my heart and more, treated it like it was disposable? And to think that he would throw me aside for a girl who obviously can not appreciate the meaning of love makes it even worse. I have come to a conclusion... If Shane would have left me (mentally) for a person who he couldn't live without, someone who pulled him like gravity, I could find a way to move on. But he left me for nothing. How is that supposed to make me feel better about me?