Saturday, February 19, 2011
One
It's what I used to be. Just me.
I went out alone.
Went to dinner alone.
Watched movies alone.
I was never uncomfortable by myself. Not when I was out.
At home I was absolutely miserable. Lonely. Sad.
Out, I could be who I wanted to be. I could be happy and connected.
And then it happened for real. I became a part of something larger than myself and it was the most amazing feeling in the world. And although I still enjoyed time alone with just myself, it felt even more amazing to be not alone.
I let go and was more vulnerable than I had been on those nights out with me, myself and I.
But now I am alone again.
And this time I know what I'm missing out on.
There is only silence in this house, this heart.
Just me, one.
And although I know I am strong and empowered, I would love to not be alone anymore.
I don't want to be one.
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1 comment:
I bet most people would say you shouldn't feel that way. But I get it. Hubs was my first boyfriend at 14. I dated one boy the entire time of the 2.5 years we were broken up and I didn't see him. When we separated after our wedding I practically ran to the first guy who showed an interest - despite him being a soon-to-be father with a girl he had just broken up with. While the truth is I actually loved living alone, I still wanted to be part of a couple. So I get that.
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