Take it or leave it

I don't bend to please people.
I make no apologies.
I love fiercly.
I am ferociously protective.
I have no regrets.

It's all about Perceptions

I had a discussion with a friend about weight.  She needs to lose some...doctor's orders!
I need to lose some...just because.
We both tossed things back and forth until she said a number.
I gasped.
I said a number, she gasped.
She saw me in a way that I never saw myself, and vice versa.
So it got me thinking.
How do people really see me?
And is what they see so different from what I see?

Sometimes I can look in the mirror and feel totally awesome about the way I look.  That confidence carries over into my mood.  And if I'm in a great mood, my personality is putting it's best foot forward.
So I tend to think that people view me as a nice, fun, pretty woman.

And then I see a picture of myself.

Good feelings gone.
When I'm not feeling good about myself, do people notice that?
Does it change their perception of me?

It also makes me wonder, do my friends know how I see them? 
For me it's all about personality.  If you are a good person, I see you as attractive.
But what do they see in themselves?  Is it what I see too?
And if not, would anything I say ever change their minds?

I hope so, because their words have changed mine.

Edgy and dull

I trimmed a tree tonight. 
I asked Ryan if he wanted to hang outside with me.
His answer was no, because it wasn't cool enough.

Turns out I heard him wrong. 
He said I wasn't cool enough.


haha kid. 
haha.

While I was getting him ready for bed I was teasing him about what he said.
He joked right back with me and said that "Daddy was much cooler".

PA-SHA!

So I asked him how in the world would Daddy be cooler than me.
His response?

"Because Daddy takes me places like Florida and Virginia Beach."

Joke over.
Because I don't have the money for trips like that. 
And even though I know my son doesn't have a clue how his words affected me, I am hurt.
I constantly worry that I'm not doing enough for him.
I worry that he's missing out on something because I'm alone.
And even though he has a father who is highly involved in his life, I worry that he will be negatively affected by the fact that he lives two separate lives that occasionally meet.
I feel guilty for the things I think I should do, but can't.
And to have him say those words out loud hurts more than I can express.