The envelope was addressed to me, with no return address on it.
Just a plain white, legal sized envelope.
Thin.
I ripped open the seam and pulled out one tri-folded piece of paper.
I could see a gold seal on one of the folds.
I slowly opened the sheet of paper and written across the top was two words.
Divorce Decree.
So it was done.
As of May 24th 2011 I was no longer bound by the laws of matrimony.
Without realizing why, I felt tears stinging my eyes.
Why?
I knew this was coming. I filed the papers!
But it felt right to be sad.
My husband was the one person in this world that made me feel...well, great. We were happy. And not in that "we're happy in public but miserable at home" type of way. We were truly and genuinly happy.
And to know that bad things could creep into that happiness and mar it with ugliness makes me unbeliebably sad.
And I think it should.
Relationships aren't easy. They can be ugly, dirty and messy. But fighting through that is what makes them beautiful. Knowing that the other person is worth fighting for, is what makes them wonderful.
Seeing a relationship come to an end is not something to celebrate.
It doesn't make me smile.
Although I know that following through with this divorce was the right thing for me, it will never make me happy.
And I truly wish nothing but the best for Shane.
I can only hope, in a wierd way, that he feels the same way I do.
I hope he mourns the loss of our great relationship, if not with me, then for me.
1 comment:
I'm glad you can say it. I have known several people who danced with joy from their divorce decree and I honestly felt sorry for them. While I understood they were angry at losing a relationship, it felt really defensive to me to hear them suggest a party to celebrate their single status. I'm truly sorry that your marriage had to end. Chris and I talk often about how lucky we are that we didn't go through with a divorce when we almost did. We are very fortunate that it wasn't necessary for us. I'm proud that you don't hate Shane personally or wish him harm. It sucks, but you know you can't change it, and you know being hateful towards him isn't going to do any good.
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